this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
