I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
So many bounce houses so little time
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
