oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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