well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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