Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
