Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Blood and glitter go together right?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
