physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
