quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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