I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
