Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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