I molested 6 butterflies tonight
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
