I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
