i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
He shit in the fireplace
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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