You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
