Moan for me like Helen Keller
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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