This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
