I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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