Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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