I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
