you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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