He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
He passed out mid-signature
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
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if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
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Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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