i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Randomize
