I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
