fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
