I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You are a genius and a whore.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
