Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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