my phone needs a breathalizer
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
