Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
