I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
