Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
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