whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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