i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i think i have two assholes
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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