Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
