best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
