That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
