There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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