but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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