My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
