I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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