1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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