i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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