You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
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