i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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