Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
