Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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