It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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