i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
