so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
