okay pat passed out under dana's car
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
