Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
