Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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