Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Randomize
