my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
