if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Ambien. No doubt about it.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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