Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
