I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
