I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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