My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You dont lie about slip and slides
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
