3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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