Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
