i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
