Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize