Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize