Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
