My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
