i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
