So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
