Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
