I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
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