Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Two words: nipple clamps
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