Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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