Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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