handjob tips. give me some.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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